That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my shit smells like andre
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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