So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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