after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
