i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize