sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
