I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
