I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
