I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
