3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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