Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
