sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
