um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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