He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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