it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
