I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
