just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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