Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was born a porn star she said
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
