you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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