There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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