I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize