I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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