Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you never un-have a 4some
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
