Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
