I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
