Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
