I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
