I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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