I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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