Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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