Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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