I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
