i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
