Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
