so that wasnt chicken after all
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
