I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
