I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
