I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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