He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
