I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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