I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
