return my video game
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize