You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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