just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
