I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
