I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
