all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
