guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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