I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
