every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
