My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
