my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
