There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
