Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
