$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
