I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
there is glitter all over my balls
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