i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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