I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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