I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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