I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
