i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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