so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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