shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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