Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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