I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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