SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize