Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I still have a little drunk in my system
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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