Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
