she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
