Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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