So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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