vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
