I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
