At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
