just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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