omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
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Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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